Love, Life & Death


My husband and I have been together 10 years and married for 4 of those.

We met on 7th March 2003 at a bar in East London, on the skirt of the City where i were working. I had never been to this bar before and was invited by a friend to another friends of her’s birthday drinks. I didn’t want to go. I was going through a phase of being bored by going out and wanted to go home after a full on week at work to relax and not be tempted to drink my body weight in wine after hours and wake up hungover…..
I had used a line on her many months before where I said that you never know where and when your Soul Mate would turn up and she used this back on me when I said I wasn’t coming.
She had got me. I felt like i had to go.

Embarrassingly, because i had seen a Tarot Reader many months before who said i would meet my future husband, in a bar at a friend of a friend’ birthday drinks and i wouldn’t want to go but I would &  that would be that. It would be a whirlwind between us.
No, I am not making this up. I promise.
I acquiesced and went along, with this at the back of my mind but like any sane person didnt really believe this night would be it. The night I actually met my soul mate. For one I hadn’t even shaved my legs or washed my hair. It was just casually tied back.
Turning up at this bar, I was amazed how different the vibe was from the usual City bars that I frequented. We were literally yards from the financial district yet this bar had an edgy cool vibe full of companies, Designers and Artists. Ironically it was called The Vibe Bar. This was a bar I probably would never have gone to had it not been for my friends invite.
Standing with my friend and her friends, we stood around chatting whilst the music blared. We were collectively checking out the talent. One girl said she liked the look of one particular guy, all eyes followed to check him out and someone said he looked like Gareth Gates (the runner up in the first ever Pop Idol tv programme). I wasn’t keen on him or Gareth Gates.
Clearly affronted by my disapproval of her taste in men, she asked me who i liked the look of, so scanning the room i looked around me and then i saw him. He was standing with friends, who i later learned to be work colleagues, in this God awful suit looking like Gino Ginelli (he who serves ice cream) laughing and chatting. From the moment i saw him i couldn’t take my eyes off him. It was a seismic chemical shift in my brain and i instantly knew there was something incredible about him and i just had to meet him. The attraction was instant. I don’t understand what happened in that moment I set eyes on him just that everything before it had changed as did everything after.

Biding my time i waited for him to go to the bar then i took the opportunity and offered to buy the next round for the girls. I sidled up to him, he was tall and broad and i turned nonchalantly asking him if he were queuing. Yes he was, he replied.
He continued to look with eyes front. That opener of mine didn’t have the impact that i were hoping it would. So i went back with another line ‘Do you come here often’…….WHAT ! Of all the cheesy things to say, that fell out of my mouth. It really wasn’t what i wanted to say or how i wanted to say it. I visibly cringed & chastised myself for the corny line and fortunately he turned laughing to me. I really didn’t want to say that i muttered. He laughed, understandinglyWe struck up a conversation from there when he stopped me mid way through and said what lovely eyes i had. I was gone. Hook line and sinker for this dude, my body language must have been screaming ‘hopelessly devoted’ full on Sandra Dee style.

And from there on in, our story started. From that moment we became a couple, having our first date soon after and moving in together even sooner after. I tell very few people for obvious reasons, that we actually moved in with each other ten (yes 10!) days after meeting. Through a very bizarre set of circumstances and an imminent expiring rental lease, we gave it a whirl and the whirl caught wind and 6 years to that day we were married.

I often wonder how that Tarot Reader got it so right. Had I subconsciously willed it to happen?, had i moulded this meeting to her words? Had i not known this, would it have happened anyway? or did we (code for I) need the push of knowing it potentially could happen this way? What scares me is the detail she gave. Friend of a friend’s birthday, you don’t want to go, you will approach him first, he’s too shy.

Either way I love how we met, I love remembering how we met and I love even more remembering how he made me feel. He says he felt it all too. He often cuddles me in bed reminding me how we used to stay up all night just talking, trying to make up for lost time by getting to know each other. It’s always been easy & so natural between yet we are very different personalities it must be said. We approach most things from the opposing bench yet quite often we think the same thing and even weirdly say the same thing. I think that’s a sign we are growing together.

There is one thing however that we remain fundamentally opposed to and whilst it’s not a serious issue it does highlight just how different we are in our core. To be honest, it really pisses me off I can’t change it about him. The concept of Life after death. Being Catholic it’s a given for me that heaven (in all its manifestations) exists. Once death comes for me i will move onto the next stage of my life, my soul will move on and keep growing. For my husband he believes when you die, you die. What a horrible way to think i tell him. How even if you thought that it would pay to try and believe something else, otherwise whats it all for. How can you believe all this is for nothing. To live then to be dead. Truly dead.

To have no faith of an after life is a horrendously sad and depressing way to live i think, to not have that belief that there is a higher being guiding over us, another life, more to go on to and reuniting with lost loved ones is to me unimaginable. I do not fear death, i suspect it’s for this reason. I fear that it will be painful or tragic and before time. I want my husband & I to be old and grey and ready to go, with our girls having families of their own to love and care for and to be loved and cared for. Not having that is what i fear.

We have spent countless hours discussing this in all manner of ways (mostly me trying to convince him otherwise) and I still struggle with his belief. I respect his thinking (sort of) although of course, i think he’s got it all wrong. Obviously i can’t prove this to him but it can’t be disproved either I say. I just look forward to the day i can say to him ‘I told you so’.

Or if i go first I’ll just come back and haunt him.


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