I am almost six months pregnant with my second child, due in September. My first child is just over 13 months and will be 17 months, please God, by the time my second arrives. This was planned, as much as creating life can be.
Once i had made the decision to not return to work, full or part time but instead focus on raising my family we decided there was little point in waiting and we would try to complete our family. Our thinking being that neither of us are getting younger, Pedro the Great turns 40 next year and would still like to be a relatively young Dad and we would like our children to be close in age and for us to one day get a bit of lie in and a little bit of a social life again. We reason whilst we’re doing the baby bit…..lets double down and DO the baby bit.
Also, you can never take for granted the ability to actually have children, even if you already have one. Secondary infertility is a heartbreaking reality to many a couple. This coupled with the statistic i read on the NHS website that it takes 85% of couples on average 9 months to concieve we thought there was no time like the present and our little girl Nonsense Chops (NC) took 6-7 months of trying after a false start with a first trimester miscarriage.
What we didnt bank on was falling pregnant that very first time. We thought we might have at least a little time of not haing to worry about contraception. We were hoping to be pregnant by September. So to discover our second baby was on its way on New Years Day this year due in September was at first scary, i mean to be back at the beginning after only just coming out of the fog but once we had got over the initial shock of the speed of everything we were thrilled. Beyond thrilled. Delighted and feeling oh so blessed.
What i also didnt bank on was other peoples reactions. At first i thought i was being overly sensitive. I mean, i’m not the first hormonal pregnant woman there is so put my sensitivity down to that but as i approach almost 6 months im still hearing the same lines being trotted out.
Your going to be busy. You must be brave. Do you know what you’re letting yourself in for. I couldnt have coped. Are you mad? …..are just a few of them to the jokingly delivered ”The lights are on but no one is in’.That last one was like taking a bullet, especially when it came from a family member,
What i tried to tell myself was that all these comments were not about me but spoke volumes about others and how they viewed the situation. But i stil felt they were misguided, insensitive to my situation and down right rude. This after all wasnt about them, but me. They made me question whether we have made a mistake, if we can cope, whether we are putting our precious little girl at a disadvantage by having our time and resources divided when she is still so young and dependent. But through all of this i keep reminding myself of the precious growing life i have inside me and the person they will become and the fact we want this baby very much.
Depending on who, where and what has said been said to me it has sometimes ruined my morning, afternoon or even whole day. I also chastise myself for shooting back with an ill thought out retort where i ramble on justifying why we have done what we have done and i just end up sounding like im trying to convince myself.
I know it is not for everyone having a second child so close in age to the first, but we feel it’s going to work for us. I have an incredily supportive husband who works either from home or close by & financially we can cope. We are also well aware just how much hard work is involved in raising a baby. Our first is testament to that. It is by no means a walk in the park and we’re getting ready for the crippling tirednesss and exhaustion not to mention the hormonal fog that decends and hopefully we’ll still be young enough to survive this. But we’re also so excited to meet our new little family member, who makes all of that so worth while and you know, all that tough stuff in the beginning doesnt last forever. Before i know it i’ll be waving them off at the school gates or raising a glass at their 21st birthday party, please God.
So i ask the next time someone offers up their comments regarding others & their situation to be mindful of what you say and how it’s delivered. It can mean the difference between a good day or a bad to someone.